I am sitting here, anxiously awaiting the results of an interview. I'm supposed to know the status of my application today. Yikes!

I NEED this job. If not for any other reason than I need a haircut!!

But I am NOT going to stress out about this today. I'm going to clean, do laundry, read, make shepperds pie and relax. It's funny how sometimes I don't do anything on a particular day, but without making the conscious effort to relax, I still feel super stressed out. It's all about attitude I guess. Today, I'm going to relax. Plus, cleaning always puts me in a good mood.

And if I REALLY want to have fun, I'll make some arts and crafts! YAY!

Maybe working isn't so fun anyways. teehee.

Unemployment is really, really hard sometimes...

It's funny, but the longer I am unemployed, the more I recognize how much I define myself by what I do. Work is all I know.... I've worked three jobs at a time before... WHILE in university! For a long time I was working full-time AND part-time. I have an addiction to working. This is not to say that I love it or that I'm successful. It simply means that it's all that I know.

I haven't worked a day since November 28th... That's two months.... two months of unemployment and it's killing me. I can't even justify buying Heinz ketchup or brand name cheese.... both of which I would do when I was employed. And damnit, I like Heinz ketchup and I like brand name cheese.
And I like buying a new top when I see one that I like. When I'm not working, I'm like this completely different person... I feel sick from stress. I get so depressed and after not hearing back from jobs that I've applied to, I start to sincerely believe that I'm not qualified for anything... that I can't DO anything.

It's strange, because when I'm working I don't have any issues like that. I was GOOD at my work. I may have not always enjoyed it, but I was good at it. What I'm not good at is dealing with this stress from not working. My instinct is to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich. If I can't see the world, it can't see me, right? If only...

How I wish I could though. Just bury my head in the sand for a few months and when I come out, have this fabulous job waiting for me. I know that wallowing in my own self-pity isn't really going to get me anywhere. And I'm not going to say "but" here, because I know that when you say "but", you just disregard everything you've said prior to the "but". So I'll just end it here.

So I have an interview with Halton PS on Monday. Doing the same sort of thing I was doing at GSPS. It's full time they're hiring for.... Which conflicts with my schooling, but I decided to do that only part-time until I'm a bit more financially secure.... I just started to get that part of my life under control when I was with GSPS and already I've seen signs of my old financial self peeking through when I'm dealing with school issues or bills.... :S NOT good.

So for this term, I'm still going to take 3 classes and then maybe I'll do two for the other terms. It'll take me a bit longer to finish, but I'm just not cut out to be a full time student again. I have too many responsibilities.... And I really do need to start thinking about a new car....

Anyways, wish me luck on Monday! I desperately need the money and the peace of mind.